About listening to pain

by Alan:

Pain is exhausting. It takes energy to maintain a mental wall that holds back my pain, so I can keep moving despite how I’m feeling.

There isn’t much I can do about my pain. Medications conflict with other medications, leaving me with no safe options. Any relief I get from medications is short-lived and not worth the side effects.

Faced with chronic pain, I have decided to listen to it. A few times a day, I drop my mental wall. I choose to feel the pain and hear what it has to say. My pain is chronic, ever present, but it is not always the same. I have better days and worse days. Because I listen, I know when my pain is a little weaker or a little stronger. That knowledge has made all of the difference.

I used to sink into my pain and wonder when it would go away, when I would be free to rest and feel okay. But I knew such moments would never come. That sinking and wondering only led to symptoms of depression.

Now, instead of thinking in binary, in terms of pain on/pain off, I recognize and appreciate when I’m having a better day. That boost helps me keep moving. When it’s a worse day, I have a reason to slow down and not worry so much about getting everything done right away. Little can be done to ease my pain, but through listening, I can improve my mood and resist depressive thinking.